My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
