Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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