How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
