all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
