I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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