Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
did you just send me my own nude
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
