I need to stop coming to work sober
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
