The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
