i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
