Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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