i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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