google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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