Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
