We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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