We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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