Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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