I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
