Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
