I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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