You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
