it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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