went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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