Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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