This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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