Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
