After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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