swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize