Pappa wants mamma naked
I cannot find my penis.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
