i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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