i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
