I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
