Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
