You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
