How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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