so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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