We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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