when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
