he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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