would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize