Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
