If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
