You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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