24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize