Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
