i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she told me i tasted like america
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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