You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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