He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
