he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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