My room smells like vodka and shame
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
