he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
