So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
