How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
