Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
