Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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