we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
...so i touched it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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