Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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