2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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