i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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