why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
