My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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