Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize