I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
