we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
