I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize