Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
