i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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