Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
