I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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