So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
