but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
