i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
