Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
