the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
